Have No Idea Where I'm Headed

Soo.... Remember that super hott guy I talked about a few weeks ago? Yeah, he's still super hott. And it's akward trying to talk to him. BUUUT. Then again I don't have to worry about that, because I have Henry... So today we were suppose to go on a date, but I can't because I don't have a ride, and he wants to start hanging out. And yeah... Soooo... I don't know what this is going to do to help me with my writing, but April is the writing month, and I am feeling the inspiration! I just need a muse, now. Help? Ah, what the heck.
Tyler was in a good mood today just as I was in a good mood, but this morning when I woke up, it felt like I was waking up with a hang over. It was God awful.

Mhhh...

I really just wanted to write today. I like this blog as a daily reminder... I really do..
So, today, because it is Tuesday, one of my close friends, Abby, hung out with me in the morning; sometimes I hang out with Tyler in the mornings. So Abby and I were talking this morning, and Tyler came up to me and gave me a hug. And I hugged him, and it was like, okay, whatever, it's Tyler. So, after the first bell rang, telling us to get to class, I was walking with Abby, and Tyler came up, and I didn't do anything. And he's like "Okay, fine." And I'm just thinking "What do you want me to do?" So after 6th period, it was a messed up schedule today, I was going to 2nd period, and I saw Tyler and decided to walk to class with him, and plus his 2nd period is by my locker and I had to go to my locker anyways, so I'm walking with him, and we don't get mad at eachother. I maybe poked him once, and then when I got to my locker, bottom locker of course, I kneel down to it, and he's like "Well, I don't want to be late, so I'll see you later." And he hugged me from behind. Which was nice... It was just a nice hug... But of course I love hugging Tyler.
And I am kind of worried about Henry still. And we are going to go to the school play together, and hopefully go to this poetry jam this weekend with him... I really can't wait...

11 more days - Scratch that 60.

11 more days until my spring break.

60 more days until school is completely over.

In 60 more days, I will no longer be a lower classman.

In 60 days, I'll be a junior and my year of being a 10th grader, will be over.

And I will have to create a new blog. Because. I will no longer be a 10th grader...

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XDDD I feel so bad for anyone who ever reads this. That was me trying to be like serious and excited at the same time. How'd I do??? Yeah, I will never know.

I can't wait for the summer. I might be growing up to fast, but I know I won't end up falling.

I know that I should be happy to be a high school student and to be a child still.

But, just as any other high school student out there, I want to grow up. I want to be in college. I want my life to be just that: MY life! I'll be attending UT and love my years of being in college and not wait to get into my career as a kindergarten teacher. A teacher. Who would have thought that I would have become a KINDERGARTEN teacher??

This summer I'll be taking, hopefully, three college classes. I'll be a college student at HCC!!!! How freaking cool is that?! I love the way my life is falling just into the right places right now.

I love how I can go a day without thinking about Tyler. And I love how right now, I want to text Henry and NOT Tyler. Or Bobbie. I love how in second period today went people were talking about the date, I thought to myself "Oh, it is the 11th, isn't it? How great!!" And I love how I was in such a fantastic mood today, even though it IS the 11th! Even though I DID have the FCATS. Even though I only got 6 and 1/2 hours of sleep last night!

Henry is doing this to me, I guess. I am just super happy! And right now, nothing can change that.

I have 60 days. And I am going to end my sophomore year, happy.

Warming Up?

I'm kind of warming up to the thought of Henry... He's like super sweet... But I'm afraid that I shouldn't try to go out with him... But maybe it will work out. He's a Senior... So, 16 and 18 shouldn't mesh correctly right?
Although, right now thinking about it, I feel more comfortable talking to adults more than I do with students my age. Weird? But Henry is like really mature.. And again, sweet. Like sweeter than Bobbie, which I thought would be difficult to beat. But Bobbie is no match of Henry.. No match at all. A few things that worry me about Henry is that he is not a Christian at all. Like he's a full on atheist. But he hasn't tried to really push his opinion on me, which is nice. He respects my views, just as I do for his. For anyone who has different views than I do. I may not agree, but I agree to disagree.
Just thinking though, I might really try to go on a date with with him. I might actually enjoy it. = ]

Facebook/text urges

I just had the urge to look at Bobbies Facebook, probably shouldn't have done that, I had already felt bad. Now I feel worse. Apparently Tyler has been trying to be nice, and I don't recognize it, and he's mad about it. So now, I have to try and not annoy him. Thing is, I never try. = [

With Henry, I don't know. My sister was so called 'In love' with him, so if I were to even consider [Which I am doing right now] to hang out with him tomorrow, how will that ordeal turn out? I mean, it's worse than dating Bobbie, which was my best friend's ex. It's a boy that my own sister had a crush on. Am I a horrible person???

And if I'm not, then why am I feeling really belly tied, and wanting to ask my mother for permission. I don't even have to ask for permission! When I was going to date Bobbie for the 3rd time, my mother even said I don't need her permission... So why do I have a feeling she'll say no? Should I go? Or because I am even thinking that I shouldn't, should I not?

This girl in track said: "I don't know. Means No."

And right now I really don't know if I want to say no. =/

Moving on?

So, I kind of don't want to say anything. But I will tell you my whole week:

Sunday: Went to the beach with my best guy friend, Chad. And coming home I get a text from the poetry co-president. (Let’s name him...Henry.) Weird, kind of. I have barely said anything to him even at poetry, the only time I had ever talked to him, was to find out why I wasn't able to find him on Facebook. Yeah, weirder thing is: He asked me out. I didn't say yes... I don't think I want to go out with him.

Monday: I re-took my CPT again, and I passed, which meant I am able to take my freshmen English in dual enrollment over the summer, instead of doing AP Lang, at school. And So I only went to school for less than two hours, and when I first got there, I had to talk to the college consular to get me all set up for Dual Enrollment. When I got there, with my mother, it was 5th period, and Henry was sitting there waiting to talk to another consular. And he kind of talked to me, but it was like mega awkward, as it is always when I talk to a guy, I can't really talk to at all... And so, thank God, The lady I needed to talk to, walked in maybe five minutes after we got there. So, we got that taken care of, and the rest of the day was whatever.

Tuesday: I was really sick. I didn't go to school at all. I texted Henry and went to the doctors. I have a new doctor. I don't like him; he wouldn't give me a referral to see my dermatologist and was like "It's a waste of the government’s money." And I was just not in the mood to hear that. And I was just so mad. So we were there for like two hours for nothing. And now I am taking five pills of medicine in the morning and nine at night. So much fun, huh?

Wednesday: Nothing happened.  But when I first got to school Tyler hugged me, and I hugged him back, and you know how when you hug someone it's just a squeeze and release? Well, when I squeezed, I started to release, but Tyler didn't... It doesn't mean anything, because the last time I talked to him was Saturday, and he did not text me to find out where I had been for the past two days, I could have been dead, and he not notice. But I thought the hug was nice... Just not Tyler-ish. I wore a very cute outfit, a skirt with a tank-top, with a cover up, but what really tied the outfit together was my necklace and earrings, and I had a sailor theme. I found out the teacher I T.A. for, his mother died. This is the 3rd teacher of mine that a parent has died; I guess it happened in the middle of 7th period, which is when I go in for him, so I am happy I didn't have to deal with that craziness. Now I don't know when he will come back home from school.

After school, Tyler texted me, and asked me to divide something I maybe talked to him for half an hour, and then before he could get mad at me I said bye. I don't think he wanted to not text me... But he was like "Okay... Bye."

Thursday: Boring day. I talked to Toby, not about much though. Tyler, I don't think, likes me talking to him because when he comes out of his classroom and sees me talking to him, he kind of just stands there, and I think even Toby senses it... And even though Tyler told me to come with him to class, he didn't really say anything... He didn't even hug me, but lately when he puts out his arms for a hug (with the exception of yesterday) I just shake my head, and he doesn't get a hug. And maybe then he will realize something? But mostly it's because I love his hugs too much, and I have to not thrive off of them, until he is nice to me...

Friday: Boring and didn't feel like Friday. Before 8th period, I was talking to my little freshmen, and Tyler came up, for her, of course, but she was preoccupied with Bobbie, which was bothering me. Tyler came up and I hugged him then. I just had to. I also had a track meet, in which I did the 4x800. And my race members did not want me to perform with them. But my coach wanted me in it, so I ran, I believe I did very very even though I lost our lead of being in first, I was third to run, the last person got us so much further behind and made up for nothing. So we got 2nd place for that, as I had a panic attack because I couldn't breathe after that, and I was trying to throw up, but there was nothing to throw up. It was horrible. And I was texting Henry like all day, and I like texting him. Then he asked if we could hang out, but I don't even know if I can, like I don't feel comfortable with going out with him... I don't know why. But the thing is, this is how my mind was going about with me wanting to hang out with Tyler, was as a friend, of course I don't have to tell my mother that it's a date, if it's a date. And I think he can tell that I don't want to go, which really isn't the case. It's just me siking myself out. Oh and during 3rd period I was texting two guys who I don't really like like, barely like as people, really, and this girl asked me if I had a crush on one of them, and I was like "No." And she was like "That makes you a slut." Great huh? Now I am a slut. For texting people who I don't like, because I am 'leading them on'. THEY text me! I can't decide that! It's not like I bug them to death with text, but it's not like they do that to me.

Saturday: Which is today. it's only 9:26, 16 minutes ago Tyler started to text me. I have done very well in trying not to text him. Which I haven’t been the first to text him. But if he texts me, it's alright, right? So I am pretty much only typing this out and waiting for Henry to wake up, because I guess, last night I was sleep texting him for a good half hour. Nice huh? And I'm trying to make plans to see a movie with Tyler. This is a bad idea, I just know it. I hate myself.

Spring is arisen

So, Last Friday, the 1st of April, I went to my first real concert. And let me tell you the full on story. Which points might be boring but I want to have every moment written down.

So hear it goes:

At 12:05 I left my math class with the excuse of a 'doctor's appointment'. I went to my locker and got my sleep over bag, because I was going to sleep over at my friends, Jenni's, house afterwards. With that bag I had my pet penguin, Waffles, whom I cannot sleep without. And I go to the office. I have my All Time Low T-shirt on, with some light colored jeans. Jenni's mother was in charge of picking us up. So I was walking out, and I saw her mom and said hi and walked her to the office then went to the restroom to switch out my long heavy jeans to cute white booty shorts. I walked out to the car and put my stuff in the truck. Then we went on with our adventure. Me skipping school and track practice. Half way to the House of Blues, her mother gets a phone call. Apparently someone who was working for her was in ICU and was pretty much dying of cancer. Her mother was like "Should I turn around?" And I started freaking out. Sure, the concert was at 7:00 BUT we were leaving school early to get there EARLY. So we continued to the House of Blues. Thank God. So we eat at the House of Blues, because apparently, if you eat there, then you can get into this line called the 'pass the line'. So it was a pass the line, line. Fun, huh? So we got into this line around 3:00 and took pictures because we were bored. We looked around while my friend’s mother stayed in line. When we got back in line, I met a new friend. Her name was Shania. The people in charge of the line were making us get up and kind of get closer to each other. No biggie. So, in the middle of all of that, Shania tripped. And then held her face in her hands, I thought she was crying at first, but everyone was freaking out, thinking that she fainted. And while she was still standing someone was screaming: "Someone catch her! She's going to fall!!!!" So, like the heroic person I am, I reached out for her and held her stomach, while her back was facing my tummy. I eased her to the ground and gave her some water. One worker came over and called the main person in charge who pretty much asked her for her name and age, which I had to give because Shania came alone, and Jenni wasn't talking. Shania was 19 so they didn't have to call her parents and such, they told her to stay out of the pits.

I am one oblivious idiot. 'The Pits'. I had NO idea; I was dumbfounded and asked Jenni: "The Pit's?" she was like "Yea, the mosh pits." I had no real idea what a mosh pit was... I thought it was a bunch of idiots who decide it would be cool to jump and lay on top of one another. I soon found out I was wrong. but that is later in the story.

So once we actually get up front, like only 5 or 6 people are in front of us, I thought it was a perfect area. There was a super cute guy behind me, not that I really paid attention to him at first. So the concert begins, and the crazy comes just as quick. It seemed when we first got into the House of Blues, that we were maybe a good 12 - 14 yards away from the stage, and I wasn't too close to anyone. But when the curtains pulled up, everything was different. There was pushing and screaming, while The Summer Set was starting to play. We ended up being like 8 - 10 yards away from the stage. Which is good. And bad. I mean like, when you are at a crazy concert, you’re not moving, people are pushing you and making you move. You have NO control over the places you go. The people you are around do. So in the middle of the first song of The Summer Set, I had found out it was easier to jump with the crowd, than it is to just stand still. This guy behind me {Remember the cute one I mentioned?}, looked at me and said "Sorry, if I am touching your ass, I can’t really move my hands" And at that point I really didn't care, he was cute; I was never going to see him again. Just What eves.

In the middle of Hey Monday singing, Jenni had a little problem with some girl who was yelling at her because she was touching her. So Jenni thought it would be just a great idea to move. So instead of having only 6 people in front of us, we moved and 6 turned into 15. This pissed me off.

Next band up was YellowCard. The DEMONS of YellowCard. So when the crowd pushed one way, the other side of the crowd pushes back. Well, I think I pushed and this whole crowd was being push and when the pushed back, I was pushed to the ground. My friend Jenni was sitting on top of me, and sorry to say she's not skinny =/. And like someone else was on top of my head and then the rest of the people who were push was in top of Jenni, which meant even MORE weight on me! I was the only one completely on the ground. I was laying there, screaming my head off because I was terrified... What do you do when you're being buried alive by people?

But During All Time Lows performance, Jack came off the stage and grabbed my hand!!!! (Along with other people’s hands, too. But still.) And I got some really good pictures on my phone there with them performing, and I am mad at myself, because I didn't bring my bra, to throw on stage. = [  There was a whole microphone stand filled with bras!!!

Then we were texting Jenni's mom and we said what we wanted. We wanted a t-shirt, a wristband, and preordered CD. And she got: One T-Shirt. One wristband. One CD. So I had to go back and buy my stuff and they were OUT of CDs!!!!! I was SO freaking pissed at the mom. She was supposed to get two of each for the both of us!!!!! And with the CD you get a autographed thing. And When Jenni got hers she was like "Omg! They signed it!" And I was like "Isn't that kind of the point?" And she’s like "Well, yeah, but, they signed it!!" I was just so, ugh.

And so after we got everything we were waiting outside for ATL to come out and we could meet them and Jenni's like: "Let’s leave." And I'm like "What?" She just wanted to leave!!! And I was like "This will be my only time to get them to sign anything! You have the booklet, I have nothing!!!" And like 10 minutes later I was just so fed up and I was like "Fine, let's go, but I want to go home. There’s no point of me sleeping over."

And she’s like "Why are we leaving?" And I was like "We probably aren’t even going to meet them." And she's like "Who?" And I'm thinking "WHO ARE WE WAITING FOR?!?!?!!? ARE YOU THAT RETARDED??" And I really said "THEM. Who else is them?!?"

To top it all off, during the concert Tyler texted me and for some reason, when I tried to open the text, I my phone would shut down, and I was freaking out because, 1st it was a new phone, and 2nd because I wanted to know what Tyler was wanting to tell me at 10 at night, which normally means he wants to talk at night... And I sometimes love talking to him. So when we are leaving at midnight, I texted him and asked him if he was still up. And He calming said yes. Which I thought was a good sign, but then I asked him if he would just stay up for a little bit. And that’s when he got upset... And he was like: "Why?!!?" And I was just really not in the mood. I was on the urge of crying over this stupid night. And I was like "Never mind... Good Night..." And then he was like "Wait... Why?" and I said "It's nothing. You don't want to talk. Night." And he said night.. And I thought that was it, but like 10 minutes later he texted me and was like "Okay, let's talk." So I was texting him all the way home. He kept me sane for most of it. Thank God.

I got home and cried because I was so frustrated. I know that’s weird, but it's true. I stayed up til 4 telling my mother about my awful experience. I kind of had to, to explain why I was coming home at one in the morning...

So yeah. That was my concert experience. Wonderful, right?